i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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