1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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