i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
