what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
