He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
