i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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