You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
