Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
