the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
