Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
