I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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