we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
