My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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