have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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