she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
