do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
