found the other keg... it's in the tree
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
