wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
