you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
