Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
