saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
