I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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