Only a mothe r could love this liver
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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