I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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