just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
