Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The ass gains better be worth it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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