Sry I called you an 8
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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