Apparently you make a good broom.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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