he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
