Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
