Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
