im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize