Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
