Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
