So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
