And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
