I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
