Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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