He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
