Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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