he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
