There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
