Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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