Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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