just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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