i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
