At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
