i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
