So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
