I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
