There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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