so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
