Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone came in the potted fern
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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