remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
