My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
