did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
