Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ttyl tear gas
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
