You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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