Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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