This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
