Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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